Auburn Family

A Tiger. A Parade. A Fire Truck. "The Worst Mascot Story in the World"

Editor's Note:  We share the following introduction to a much longer story from a member of the Auburn Family. Please note: It's for grown-ups. There are a few (expletives). We're pretty confident this will be the funniest story of a mascot you will ever read. It was for us. That's why we asked the author for permission to share it with you. Enjoy!

The Worst Mascot Story in the World

by Trey Humphreys

Listen folks, here’s the deal. I was the team mascot in college. Not the quarterback or the 3rd baseman, the Mascot. This, I’m afraid, is a true story. Let me paint the picture for you. I rolled into college at a blazing 5’9 ¾ and weighing an astounding 125lbs. Let me paint a better picture for you, that’s a skinny (expletive). Even the golf team laughed at me. I hate golf.

Now, a man of this build doesn’t have a tremendous amount of options when it comes to competitive sports. Or recreational sports. Or online sports. However, there was one activity I found that might fit my skills. The Mascot.

Here is a list of the skills required to become and perform as the team mascot:

  • Ability to work a zipper
  • Ability to sweat 90lbs of fluid every 8 minutes

That’s it. Seemed reasonable. I joined.

Now, the reason I’m telling you this useless information is to preface a story that has been a favorite of my friends. It is the story of a small town parade, a 125lb man in a tiger costume, and the EMS, Police and Fire Rescue. In no particular order.

Read the full story in a social mess: The Worst Mascot Story in the World.

Photos: republished by permission via Trey Humphries, the mascot; mascot in fire truck via Nortizzle on (Google license for reuse and modification.)

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